Posted by MMChelle on 2014/09/28 under Uncategorized I am too old to quit or walk away from you. But, here we are going down that road again. I remember the last two times when you tried to assure me that nothing was going on, I was being paranoid and this is where you want to be. I remember also, the last time you told me that you don’t know why you are like this. Someone shows and gives you enough attention and you find yourself turning your energy and thoughts to them. Again now, you tell me she is just a friend and it sucks that we have to be doing this again. I thought I got past the last one, even though that one truly broke my heart. I thought I would be able to trust you again. But, I sit across from you, trying to focus myself on other things but I can’t. I can’t because I have to see how big your smile is when you chat with her. I have to look when you chuckle and throw up your foot. I swear I have seen your face go red from time to time as you share your time with her. All day while I am gone and working, I figure you are sending her words and what-have-you. When I come home from work, I just feel that you should be a little more interested in me and perhaps, my day. I don’t want your undevoted attention when I need to go to bed to sleep for work, not go to bed to lay and talk, catching up with you. Why can’t I get that from you out in the living room? I know I can be happier than I am…I don’t even know how happy I am at this point. Why can’t I just trust you and believe that this is all in my head. What…you think it isn’t anything because she is miles away…so what, it doesn’t count, it doesn’t matter. Well, let me tell you something…my heart is breaking some more and I don’t know what I should really do. Sometimes I wish someone would come into my world that would allow me to put you to the wayside also…maybe make it easier for me to let you go. I already screwed up a marriage and God will probably not forgive me for that one. I put twenty-two years into this partnership and it makes me sick to think we might be done. I’m not expecting easy, it never has been since we came together but we have put in twenty-two years and I’m getting older. I guess I keep waiting for that spark that might ignite that flame I felt was there before.